Today is a day that will test my new skills. It’s a depressing cold, gray Wednesday. It’s 10am and I’ve already experienced a few low points and terrifying moments of failure already.
The kind of things that stand up and remind me the good streak I’ve been riding is not the new normal for me. I’m still the same person, prone to making mistakes both big and small. Forgetting important details, breaking promises, and disappointing people in little ways and occasionally big ways.
My hope and optimism can turn onto a negative when a pushed back promise is offered up following consecutive failures. Therapy has helped in huge ways, but I’m still a work in progress. Understanding the people I’m helping are not as hurt and upset as my personal projection of those options onto them.
They didn’t know I was striving for perfection. What I call avfsil is actually just a step in my progress.
St my job. The prime source of my stress. I have begun to notice a slight irritation in my habit of vocalizing my emotions and cslling out my failures, followed by apologies. I’m trying hard to consider each roadblock I have to overcome as that. Something in the way of the goal rather than a failure
When I encounter an unexpected situation that stops my success temporarily, it is not a failure. It is a surprise. It’s not a fault, but a challenge. Instead of a 400 Mette run, the job now had hurdles, but I can still be a winner. Even if I knock on er a few along the way.
An Olympic hurdles champion does feel the need to apologize. A computer support tech guy is there to solve the problems caused by the enemy computers. Not me. I’m only sorry I’m not doing it better. I’ll work on that.
The fine line between confidence and arrogance is still a new feeling for me to navigate. I sent their frustration and put it onto myself, not the problem.
Today I am on the bus going into the office once more, not to handle my failures. But to problem solve and provide solutions to keep my customers happy. I am less the creator of the frustration than I am the one doing my bedt to resolve the issues caused by technology
Typing on a bus is hard. Auto correct doesn’t know how to handle bouncy fingers. This one needs an edit for sure.
My stop.
End of part 1.
I started the day wrong. I was listing some negative points and making jokes that I was pleased that at least the problems and failures would all happen on the same day. Bad things happen when you’re in a bad mood and good things happen when you’re in a good mood.
Do I don’t chose to enter the office in a god mood. It didn’t matter that we were 2 weeks behind my schedule and things were not going anywhere close to plan. It didn’t matter that people were frustrated.
Today was the day for solutions. Problems to be solved. Every time I solve one, it has the chance if being the last one.
“How are you?” they ask.
I’m great. I’ve got solutions to fulfill.
I did. I solved problems. Solving problems is much better than having problems, and even if solutions lead to new problems, I’d solve those too, one after the other untill eventually, hopefully by tonight, I’ll have runout if problems and I can start fresh in a new task.
Today has been a good day. Of course I say this before my walk home in shirt sleeves during a thunderstorm.
Still… A better day than I gave it credit for in advance, unfairly.